"Is this a bike shop?"

Whoever said "there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers" was wrong!
I'm sorry but I've had plenty of stupid questions thrown at me in my bike shop. There are a couple which are absolute gold, so I just had to share.
The boys from the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" did a bit on how they thought people who asked stupid questions should we're a sign that says "I'm stupid". For example if I was hobbling around with a plaster cast on my leg and someone would see me and ask: "What happened, did you break your leg?" I would reply with "here's your sign".

However, not enough people get this reference so I'm forced to humour them.
But the other day I was asked two ridiculously obvious questions and it made me think about the possible answers, as well as the mentality of someone just before they ask the question.

I'll start with the lesser of the two damning questions.

First of all, a dealership is split into three main departments. Sure there may be sub-categories within those, for example, there may be a used bike department within the bike sales department. But leaving that aside, the three main departments in a bike dealership are: Bike sales, Spare parts/accessories, and the Workshop. Like I said, there may be a separation between spare parts and accessories in some dealerships. Even then, they are usually close to each other. But for the majority there are three major sections to the store.

The spares department is usually small, and most of the time, all you can see is a counter and a server while the storage is kept behind a wall, so this is a fairly inconspicuous department. So it's not uncommon for someone to come in and ask where it is located. Often it is surrounded by wall space and floor space taken up with accessories, that is, helmets, jackets, gloves, etc. Perhaps even some performance parts like exhausts and what not. This is why people, understandably don't assume the spares department and the accessories department are one and the same. Fair enough.

The workshop, should be easily recognizable (one would think). However, it is usually around the back, out of sight of all the pretty bikes. It is full of mechanics working on bikes. The bikes are always on hoists, in various states of disrepair. It's pretty obvious to see a bike that is being repaired or serviced because it looks like a mess of mechanical bits without the cover of its fairings. Even though it is usually around the back of the dealership, it usually has a roadside entrance with a roller door or garage door. Because of this, there is always a sign saying "workshop entrance". But the location of the workshop is irrelevant to this story because of the specific words in the question.

Before we get to that, though, I have to mention the third department and probably the most important... bike sales. Used bikes are usually parked outside in rows. But inside the showroom are all the pretty and shiny new bikes, just begging to be bought. Theres a couch and tables, coffee machines, pretty pictures and audio-visual displays, air conditioning. It's generally a nice place to be. It should be, it's a showroom. It is designed to be impressive to give the customer piece of mind that they are buying the right product from the right place. The showroom does not look anything like the workshop.

Again, everything I've just explained should be fairly obvious, but the reason I had to go through that was to get to this. To cut to it, a customer walked into my showroom the other day and asked me "Is this the workshop?"

Now... (breath)... a couple of things here. I said before that it is irrelevant to this blog where the actual workshop is located. It's usually in the back or on the side of the building, some shops pride their workshop and put it in the front. But this is irrelevant because of the words in the question. The customer did not walk into the showroom and ask the question "where is the workshop?" Sometimes the directory signs fade into the background on the walls, and sometimes people just can't be bothered looking, and sometimes, people would rather ask someone to make sure. All of these situations are perfectly acceptable and happen on a regular basis with no complaint from me.
"Excuse me, where's the workshop?"
"Just through there, sir."
Done. Finished. Asked and answered. The question of the workshop's location is one that can be answered with a definite description, a gesture, a set of instructions, etc.

The question "Is this the workshop?" can only be answered with a "yes" or "no". But the impact of such a "close-ended" question has much more relevance to the second question so I'll get to that later.

Back to the question. If he would have asked me something a lot more ambiguous, it still would have been acceptable. For example, if he had walked into my showroom with a glazed facial expression and said "What is this place?" that would have been a different story. And I could have helped him. Sure, the answer should be obvious, but I would have humoured him. But that's not what happened. This guy walked straight into the showroom and asked me if it was the workshop. In the past I have smirked or even laughed when someone does this. That's right, this isn't the first time it happened. It's just the first time I considered the possible responses and the reason someone would drive themselves to ask the question. Believe it or not, I am asked this question fairly regularly, and I have worked in 4 different dealerships before I started mine, so it's not just because of the layout of my shop. If people continually asked me "Where is the workshop?" I might consider putting up more signage, or directions of some kind. But, no, that question again, when standing inside the showroom: "Is this the workshop".

Can you imagine asking that question and then getting laughed at? But what would the customer expect me to say? "Yes sir, you are standing in the workshop, we just decided to make it look like a showroom for shits and giggles. You know, just to fool people. Gotcha."

But if you thought that question was stupid, you won't believe the next one.

I'll get right to it because the title gives it away.
I guy walked into my shorwoom and asked "Is this a bike shop?"

Immediately I thought to myself, where can I go from there? And quickly I realised there are only two possible answers to that question. There's no explanation required, there's no quantitive response, there's no question that I have to ask back in order to achieve his satisfaction. It's either yes or no, and I would have answered the question.

Surely he must have expected me to say "Yes". So does that mean he asked purely for the purpose of confirmation? That is (I'm hoping), he asked the question specifically to get a "yes". If so, that might be marginally acceptable, but it's still a stretch. And it is difficult to believe because of the other response. What if I had said "no"? I am standing there, surrounded by beautiful machines, with price tags, brand signs and the like, in the middle of a pool of bikes. Salesmen sitting at their desks, or walking around in their branded shirts, customers sitting on bikes, and trying on jackets and helmets and things, a beautiful dirtbike in the middle of the showroom suspended 3ft in the air, and he asks me "Is this a bike shop?"
"Sorry, sir, this is a Library."
"No, buddy, this is my home garage and you are trespassing."
"This is the parking lot for the pet shop next door."

The funniest thing is that while I was standing there thinking all of this, he was just staring back at me waiting for a response. Which leads me to believe that he wasn't asking just to get confirmation. He was actually unaware of whether or not he was standing in a bike shop.

Truly this guy has no hope. So now I need to revert to my previous suggestion. If he had closed the door behind him, walked up to me and asked plainly "what is this place?" or even "what have I just walked into?" Even this would have been barely acceptable. Not just because I could have replied with which brands I sell apart from other shops. Like,
"What is this place?" could have meant "what do you sell?"
To which I could have given a response to specify how I differ from other bike shops.
"This is a Ducati dealership". And that's a perfectly fine answer.

But that's not what happened and I'll need to put myself in his shoes to explain.
This guy left his home that day and went looking for a bike shop. He entered a bike shop. And then asked if it was a bike shop.
Thinking that way, if he had left home to go looking for a bike shop, walked into a MacDonalds and asked if it was a bike shop, that would be bad. But at least someone would point him to the nearest bike shop thinking he meant to say "where's the bike shop?"
But no, he wanted a bike shop, he found a bike shop and while standing inside the bike shop, he asked "is this a bike shop?"
Not even "is this the bike shop?" as if he was looking for a particular bike shop and just forgot the name.
I mean, come on... Seriously? "Is this a bike shop?" Jesus wept.

My point is this: what if I had said "No"?
Even if I retort with a "just kidding, yes this is a bike shop" surely it would still make him feel stupid for asking a ridiculously obvious question. You have to keep in mind, that this is a customer. He came into my shop because he wanted to buy something related to a motorbike. And I own a bike shop, so he is my customer. No doubt about it. So this is a tricky situation because at the very least I don't want to make him feel stupid, even though he asked the one question that could make me pity him. At the very most I want him to buy something.

So I did the only thing that would have been acceptable in that situation. After thinking about all the funny responses I could have said, I simply put it as "Sure is. How can I help?"
And that was that.
But I just can't help thinking, what if I had said "no".

"Nobody rides my bike but me!"

You have to understand that the "joys of owning a motorcycle" fade quickly when all you deal with on a daily basis is motorcycles. The point is that everyone thinks their bike is special. But what these people need to grasp is just one tiny little amendment to the statement. And that is: their bike may be special, but only to them!

As a mechanic, I'd like to think like I treat every motorbike that I work on as if it were my own. But I must admit that I only used to think this way when I first started and was still wet around the ears and eager to learn and impress. The truth, now, is just that I try and to the best job that I can whenever I look after someone else "pride and joy".

That term has such impact in a case like bikes. Owners see their bike sitting in their garage and a warm feeling pours over them. It almost comes to life just because it provides the owner with a sense of excitement, exhilaration, ownership, exclusivity or whatever. So they see it as more than a possession. But when I see their bike, all I see is something that came off a production line. Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely jaded. I still admire a thing of beauty, and I respect a vehicle for the technology it hides (or boasts). But I have had some ridiculous customers who refuse to accept that I've worked on a thousand other bikes, just like theirs.

One day a had a Yamaha R1 on my bench in for a standard service. Everything about the bike was standard. I didn't get to meet the customer because he dropped the bike off early. And I never spoke to the guy because I didn't have anything to report during the service. The bike didn't need anything apart from the standard service; no tyres or brakes or anything out of the ordinary. It was a quick "in and out" job.
The only time I met the customer was when he came in to collect the bike. But I had other jobs to do that day so I only got to the R1 after lunch. And by the time the customer arrived, I was just wrapping it up and getting it off my bench to take it for a road test.

Now I have to stop for a second here because it is pertinent to note the relevance of a road test during a service. Let me emphasise, the test ride is one of the most important parts of a bike's service. It tells a mechanic so many things. Among these, are things that the owner may not have picked up on. But to keep it brief, a test ride can tell us (at best) if the bike is doing what it should be doing, and (at worst) if anything is wrong and needs further attention.

Now that I have that off my chest I can continue. I hadn't met the customer so I didn't recognise him when he entered the shop. I greeted him like any other customer, "Hey, how's it going?"
"I'm here to pick up my bike." This statement immediately let me place this guy in a box labelled "Thinker". There are fifty other bikes in the shop at the moment!! Any one in specific maybe? But keeping calm and collected...
"OK, and which one's yours?" I asked.
"Blue R1," he snapped. He could have been a bit more polite, but I didn't really mind. The point is this: if you feel like collecting a vehicle that is being serviced, call first to make sure it is ready. If you turn up and it isn't ready you are going to get angry with the shop even though they haven't done anything wrong and it all could have been avoided by a simple phone call.
So please, people, call before you come. Anyway...
"Oh, I just took it off my bench. You're a bit early but it's OK because I just have to take it for a test ride." I explained.
"What test ride?"
"Well I've just finished servicing your bike, I have to take it around the block to make sure it's alright."
I didn't go into it too much detail because I was expecting the understanding response of "Oh, OK." But instead, the customer came back with...
"Nobody rides my bike but me!"

I can't remember why I did what I did. It was either because I thought he was joking or I was too amused with the idiocy of this guys. But I couldn't hold it back. My first reaction was to laugh. It wasn't a hearty uproar or anything. Just a little snicker and one side of my mouth curled up.

Then I immediately realised that this reaction could give a bad impression so I focused and tried to explain the reasons we have to test ride bikes after we service them. And I thought I did a pretty good job but...
"Nobody rides my bike but me!"

Again, I tried to assure him that it's a standard practice on every bike we work on. But this guy wouldn't budge. I even explained that we could not guarantee our work if we couldn't test ride the vehicle. If something were too go wrong after the service, a quick road test would have helped us to find a problem. So simple. It's such an automatic thing. We don't even think about it. We think of a road test the same way we think of replacing an oil filter, it's all part of the service. But, of course...
"Nobody rides my bike but me!"

That was the third time he said it. So either he wasn't actually listening or he didn't care.

Two things I'd like to say about this:
Firstly, the point of this blog was to explain how one man's prize possession can be seen for what it really is: a machine, with requirements. When someone shows off their beauty to unassuming viewers, sure, it looks impressive, sounds impressive, yeah it's really fast and I can see why you love it. And they're even impressed how the owner treats it and feels the way he does about it. But don't expect someone who see nothing but the same or similar bikes day in and day out, to think yours is any different!
Secondly, the owner made a huge contradiction which completely makes this article even more poignant. It should be clear that this guy loved his bike. I mean, even though it was relatively new, the bike was immaculate. He took care of it. He loved it. But here's the rub: He loved it so much that he wouldn't let anyone else ride it, for fear they may damage it, or it would somehow magically hold a grudge against him for whoring it out. But the point is he loved it so much, that he did it a disservice.
I have no idea how that bike went. It could have been running like shit and the owner was used to it or thought it was nothing out of the ordinary. Or, it could have been running nicely but I could have made it better after feeling it on a road test. But, no. In essence, he loved it so much that his feelings prohibited him from letting a mechanic complete a service. And don't forget, if you had to let someone ride your bike, who would you prefer? A mate, or someone technically trained who does nothing but ride bikes all day for a living?

I knew I couldn't get through to this guy so I wiped down the bike while the Service manager finished the bill. The guy paid and left. And then I did the only thing I could do, let everyone else who worked in the shop know about the clown I just dealt with, so we could all enjoy laughing about it together.